And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
