Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
