I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
