I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
