That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
