i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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