Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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