when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We had to coat check the pizza.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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