He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
