so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sarcasm needs its own font
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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