So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
