I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
honey bunches of taint.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize