How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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