well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
