Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im holly from the hills drunk
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
