don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
