The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just gift wrapped bread.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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