i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize