Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
