Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
