If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
