I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
