Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
