How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just invented taco cereal.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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