i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
