she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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