I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
