Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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