so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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