last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
