I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
