Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
