Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
