so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
