you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize