I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have aggressive nipples.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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