Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My breath smells like gin and sadness
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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