Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
