ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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