I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
