I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
