There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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