we made out on top of his cat.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
