I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
