LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
