He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
