I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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