Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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