you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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