people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
