I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
