Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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