dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
