I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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