I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
