If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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