So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
