put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize