i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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