party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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