Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You need a sexual gate keeper
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize