Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
