ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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