you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
