Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
