So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize