I want to walk on stilts...naked
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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