walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
