I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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