She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
