I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
