His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
