he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How naked do you want me to be?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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