lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
